so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
