My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
40s are totally the cure
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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