Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
