Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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