if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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