4 words: hood of his car
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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