So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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