It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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