I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
