he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
