in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
