She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
