I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
