No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
