there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
