I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
