I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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