Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
