I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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