I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
