Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
