I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
