I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
