arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
