I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
