I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
