I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
