I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
