I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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