I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
