I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
