I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
