Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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