She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
