he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
