I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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