Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
