I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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