i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
