You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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