I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
