I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You ruined the universe
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
