Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
