She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
