She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
