I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is the high leading the old right now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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