Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
