So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
