I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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