is your mom at the bar?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
