70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
