What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
