i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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