Grow some girl-balls and come out already
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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