It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Say something about gay babies.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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